Two years earlier…
When I enter the backyard, I feel slightly disoriented, even though I’ve been here many times before. Someone greets me, and it takes me a moment to respond.
It’s weird seeing lots of people in one place and socializing in person. I’m out of practice.
I haven’t seen my extended family in well over a year because of COVID-19, but now we’ve all had our vaccines, and Auntie Gladys is having an outdoor gathering at her house to celebrate her son’s engagement. I’ve never met Carl’s fiancée, although they’ve been together for a few years. Carl and I aren’t close, even if we’re the same age, so that probably explains it—that and the global pandemic.
I figure I should find my cousin and congratulate him. Get that out of the way.
But then I freeze.
There’s a woman standing by the vegetable garden, facing the herbs and tomatoes as she talks to my uncle. Though I can’t see her face, I know I’ve never met her before. I also know that she’s very, very beautiful. There’s something about the way the sun hits her hair, her arm as she gestures…
She turns, and she’s somehow even more gorgeous than I imagined. I wish I could sketch her. I haven’t been drawing lately, but suddenly, I’m inspired.
“Hi,” she says. “I’m Yvonne. You must be one of Carl’s cousins?”
Fuck me.
This is the fiancée. I’d been hoping it was one of her friends.
“I’m Leo.”
She holds out her hand, then pulls it back with a laugh that’s far too pretty. “I haven’t shaken anyone’s hand in a long time, but it’s still instinctive. Nice to meet you, Leo. Can I get you a drink?”
“No, that’s okay.” I tug at my collar. “Congratulations. On your engagement.” It’s amazing that words are actually coming out of my mouth when it feels like my heartbeat has gone haywire.
For the rest of the afternoon, I do my best to make normal conversation with my family and try not to look at Yvonne, but she keeps drawing my gaze. How does the light always hit her features just so, as though she controls it?
Even if she weren’t engaged to my cousin, she wouldn’t be for me. I know that. In her dress and light cardigan, she’s polished and perfectly put together, while I’m rougher around the edges than the other people in my family.
Yet it’s the rare moments when she’s not so controlled that enchant me. A brief unguarded laugh. The way she tips her head toward the sun when it peeks out from behind the clouds.
I want to muss her up. Set her free.
But my reaction to Yvonne probably has something to do with the fact that I’m not used to meeting new people. I feel like a boy who’s never seen anyone pretty before in his life.
Surely by the time they get married, I’ll have gotten over this.
Five Days Before the Wedding
Four Days Before
Three Days Before
Two Days Before
The Night Before
My hands clench on the steering wheel as I come to a stop, and a bead of sweat trickles down my temple. Unable to stand it any longer, I loosen my tie. I hate having to dress up like this, and I’ve done it too many times this summer.
But as I wait for the cop who pulled me over, there’s a strange peace in my chest.
Maybe I’ll miss it.
For the last few days, my skin has been crawling at the thought of Carl kissing Yvonne in front of a hundred and fifty people. I’ve had two damn years to get used to the idea—and I am used to it.
My body doesn’t seem to have gotten the message.
While my tie no longer feels like it’s choking me, it’s still too much. I loosen it farther, then pull out my license and registration as I wait for the officer. I assume I’m getting a speeding ticket, though I was only going 5 km/h over the limit. I didn’t think they’d bother pulling someone over for that.
When the officer approaches, I open the window. He introduces himself, and it soon becomes clear that the speed limit is 40 km/h, not 50 km/h like I thought. I swear that’s what the last sign said—it would be the expected speed limit on a road like this—but I won’t argue. Nasty things can happen at traffic stops. I don’t think that’s likely for someone who looks like me, but I still plan to say as little as possible.
15 km/h over the speed limit, but he lowers it to 10. No demerit points, just a small fine, and of course I’d rather do something else with the money, but I can afford it. This is the most trouble I’ve had with the law. I’m too boring to be a bad boy; I’m just what passes for one in my family.
I glance at the envelope on the seat beside me. Inside the card is a smaller red envelope with more cash than the fine.
“You on your way to a wedding?” the officer asks.
“Yes,” I say.
In the distance, I hear an ice cream truck. I’ve never been one for sweets, but ice cream sounds nice right now: something cool on this hot summer’s day. I should be wearing shorts and a T-shirt on an afternoon like this, but instead, I’m in a suit.
“Have a nice day,” he says before walking away.
I take the car out of park, then drive down the street, careful not to exceed 40 km/h. There’s no way I’m getting to the church in time. When I left my apartment, I didn’t give myself much of a time cushion because I didn’t want to arrive early. Google Maps said twenty-five minutes; I gave myself thirty.
I pull into a plaza and send a text to Max, telling him that I got a speeding ticket and won’t make it for the ceremony. I don’t want to sneak in the back while bride is walking down the aisle.
The bride.
I wonder what she looks like today, how the light streaming through the stained-glass windows will hit her. The last wedding I attended was on a rainy day, but of course it’s not rainy for Yvonne and Carl, the lucky bastard. I’m sure she’ll be absolutely stunning.
The thought causes a terrible pain in my stomach, and I lean over the steering wheel. I know it’s ridiculous to feel this way, but I’ve never been the smart one in the family. All through school, I had to deal with teachers who’d taught my older brothers and were clearly disappointed in me. Max and Evan were great students; I wasn’t. The disappointment of my parents, however, was harder to bear, yet I still didn’t do what they wanted.
And now, I’m stupid enough to have a crush on my cousin’s fiancée. Who, in just a few short minutes, will be his wife. They’ll recite their vows, seal it with a kiss, and celebrate in front of family and friends before going on a honeymoon and starting their life together.
I can’t stand it.
I feel uncomfortable in my suit. Uncomfortable in my skin. I consider not going to the church at all, just the reception, but I should be there for family pictures.
With a sigh, I back out of the parking spot and continue to the church, my pulse speeding up as I approach. I wish my body would calm the fuck down. I could blame it on being pulled over, but I can’t lie to myself, not when I keep picturing her face.
Foolish.
Tonight, Jon will probably make some comment about how weddings are a great place to pick up, and I’ll respond with a grunt. I won’t join my younger brother as he flirts his way around the room.
I haven’t been on a date or slept with anyone since I met Yvonne Siu. I’ve attempted to interest myself in another woman, but no matter how hard I try, I can’t. With the limited socializing I did at the beginning of the pandemic, that means it’s been almost four years for me, a fact that I certainly haven’t told Jon—or anyone else, for that matter.
It’s not like I planned to be faithful to someone I know I can’t have; it just happened.
Tomorrow, when I draw a mock-up for the fantasy cover I’m supposed to be working on, the heroine will probably end up looking like Yvonne. I’ll curse myself and have to start over.
I never let myself draw her, but occasionally, I do it by accident.
I sigh again and turn on the radio—there’s no Bluetooth in my ancient Honda Civic—but every song and commercial annoys me, and I switch it off a few minutes later. It’s not much farther anyway. I figure I’ll park my car and sit there until I see dresses and suits emerging from the church. People smiling and laughing, happy about the marriage like I ought to be.
But when I turn into the church lot, somebody’s already leaving: there’s a flash of white skirts hurrying down the steps. I hit the brakes.
Is Yvonne running away from her wedding?
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Jackie Lau 